another love letter to my best friend.

My love,

Here i am, writing to you once more. And, once again, words start to fail. You know i wish i could write you something beautiful. Something that would take your breath away, like you took mine. As usual, not even the best dictionary on the planet will help me, there are a lot of things words can’t tell. I will try and do my best, for you.

Everyday i think about you. How life would be for both of us if, at some point, i had ran after you. Or if you had come after me. I like to dream wide awake, to think about all the “what ifs” that refer to you and me. Sometimes, i think of us in black and white, you know, like those movie clichés where there’s this beautiful girl and a guy who sweeps her off her feet. I imagined us holding hands on the street, kissing in the pouring rain and sleeping on the same bed, holding each other. I’m well aware i was only dreaming, but i still keep all those wishes in my heart.

I’m not beautiful or extraordinary, i’m just… me. But you did sweep me off my feet, and everyday i love you a little bit more, because you keep reminding me of all the reasons why i fell for you in the first place. I know, my dear, i know - i shouldn’t say these things. But the truth is, i can’t be without you. Have i ever told you that ? I just can’t. You’re my best friend, and i love absolutely everything about you. I keep you in my mind all the time. I love your eyes, the way you smile. The look on your face when you’re tired. Your hair. The way you say i’m beautiful, and the way you insist when i deny it. Everything. My heart chose you, because to me you are perfect.

I’m sorry if i’m already saying to much. I lose myself on the speech easily, it’s hard to keep focused with all that has been going on in my head. Fact is, when we first met, i was broken, in more than a million pieces. And somehow, you saved me. You fixed me. Found all my pieces and brought me back together. Oh, my love, how i wish you could see yourself the way i do.

I promise you, i will never leave you. I know it seems silly to say this, neither of us can’t predict the future. Still, i will never leave you on my own will. If you’re wondering why, i should tell you, in fact it is quite simple: i can’t live without you. I’m sorry if i’m too attached, too annoying or too clingy. It’s been a few years already, and i still love you like it was yesterday. That’s it. I love you. How could i not ?

Please, my love, don’t be sad. I know that sometimes you wish your heart had chosen me - but we both know we can’t chose the ones we love. I don’t want you to be sad, my darling, this was made for you to smile. Smile because you’re great. Smile because in spite of the distance, i will spend every single night by your side. Smile because i love you. Smile because there is one person in this world that wants you with all the strength she has left. Smile because you know that person is me.

Yours forever,

Your best friend.

love letter to my best friend.

My love, 

As tears roll down my face, i feel like i should finally write to you everything i never had the guts to say. Along the way of our crossed paths, i’ve come to realize that holding back the words won’t be good for any of us. Truth be told, i’m still patiently waiting for a better way to express myself. Wanted to use words as beautiful and amazing as you are, but the dictionary isn’t being very helpful. So i guess i might aswell just say what’s crossing my mind, what makes me scared and what makes me cry. I don’t know what am i supposed to do anymore. What am i supposed to say. How am i supposed to feel. But i tried, over and over again. Believe me, i have tried.

When we met i never thought i would fall in love. I didn’t think love existed - and i found it did with you. I keep on thinking about it. All those nights spent awake looking at you through the screen. Seeing you smile. All those times i wanted to kiss you. Every single time i wanted to hold you in my arms and never let you go. Looking back, i honestly wish i had been more brave, wish i had ran after you like i wanted to. Like i should have. Distance didn’t seemed to matter anyway, i just let you in my life to take care of my soul like nobody else did. 

All those wishes we shared, all the times we said we would ran away together… It all feels like just a distant dream. Somehow i can’t forget about it. I can’t forget the sound of your voice at 3am in the morning saying you loved me. I can’t forget the look in your eyes. The way you smiled. It’s funny, isn’t it ? How life can simply turn around so quickly ? How one heart can simply know that it was meant to be ?

It all seemed so perfect, i had finally found my happy ending. You came into my life and you saved me. You healed my heart, comforted my soul and eased my mind. And i thought everything was okay, until she came into your life. I don’t blame you for what happened next, i swear to God i don’t. It’s nobody’s fault. Nobody’s except, maybe, mine. I should have come to you sooner, i should have done everything i could and every single day i blame myself for not going, for not running after you. If i did maybe your heart would still be calling me. 

I blame nobody but myself for all the hugs you didn’t gave me. For all the kisses we never had the chance to share. For all the nights we spent apart. Every single day i wish you were here. Would things be any different if i had ran after you ?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry i was selfish for wanting you always in my life. I’m sorry for crying when i knew she spent the night, and i’m sorry for thinking i never had the chance to do the same. I’m sorry i didn’t ran after you. I’m sorry i made you feel guilty for loving her. I’m sorry i’m so lost without you. I couldn’t help but fall in love with you. You’re my best friend. My healer. My saviour. I promise i will always be by your side, taking care of you like you took care of me. Please, my love, tell your heart that it is not to blame, tell your heart that all is forgiven. But let your heart know that i’m here, always.

I’m here now. My soul is undressed, my heart is opened. Every single word i wrote is like a knife on my chest. I’m guessing that’s the price of honesty. Better yet, it’s the price of holding on to words i never thought i would say in my life. I never thought i would admit i failed. Or that i was wrong. Or that i’m to blame. But also, i never expected to love you the way that i do.

I love you. Just three little words. Seems so meaningless. In fact, if you tell them to the wrong person they don’t mean a thing. But honestly, i was never more certain of anything in my life. I know it sounds crazy, but i love you. I do, i love you. I LOVE YOU. I’m crazy about you. I think about you all the time, and not a day goes by that i don’t wish i would just let it all go and come to you. Every night i wake up looking for you in my bed. 

I want you to know that i love you enough to let you go. I love you enough to give  up my feelings in order to pay attention to yours. I love you enough to help you with some other girl. I love you enough to love you without asking for you to love me back. 

I don’t know what to do without you here. Honestly, i don’t. I’m lost. I just hope that, if one day you read this, you smile because you feel like in spite of all the hate in this world, all the mistakes you and i made, all tears and all the pain, there is one person who truly loves you. There is a person you mean the world to. And everyday i will smile knowing that person is me. You mean the world to me.

Just please, remember that i will always love you. 

Yours forever,

                 Your best friend.