all our secrets.

"I'll get there in a minute", she said, and hung up the phone.

She had been a mess, for months. She had been a mess for too long. He's the other side of the coin, happy and with a girlfriend. And that was the main reason why she never expected that text message earlier in the day. " I need you now, please hurry", it said. It was from him. And so, without even thinking twice about it, she left the house. Without any questions, without looking back. She simply went out and started walking.

She often thought about the casualty that had brought them to each other. They met by the force of occasion, at that time they both needed company and a few smiles to get along. She was already broken, and had given up on the search for a hero that was strong enough to put the pieces back together - all she needed was an excuse to feel alive. With that great background music, and a smile, she approached him and said "hi". Then, the next two days were like magic. He made her smile, made her feel like herself again. In other words, made her comfortable. Unafraid. Of course, all good things come to an end, and after those two amazing days she spent a whole month thinking about those feelings. Thinking about him and trying hard to avoid the temptation of grabbing her phone and text him with an "hello". One month had gone by, and when she least expected, her phone rang. She grabbed it and opened the message: " hi stranger", he wrote. Her heart jumped that precise second. "Hi, it's been a while since i heard from you", she wrote. Message sent. The conversation went on and on, and she couldn't avoid that stupid smile. "Do you want to come over ?", he finally asked. She thought about it for a moment and said yes.

The street lights were already on when she left to see him. She arrived and he opened the door. They shared a shy hello and a smile, and went to the room. " Do you want to watch a movie ?", he asked. She said yes and they started talking about movies. The look on his face when she told him she had never seen The Shawshank Redemption was absolutely priceless - and so the movie for the evening was chosen. And there they were, sitting on the bed as the movie kept rolling, as he explained to her why that movie was one of the best ever made. She thought that maybe it was, but she couldn't get him off her mind, even though he was there, so close. She was sitting there quietly, when he suddenly moved and laid his head on her lap. As it was expected, she protested, but her smile told him everything he needed to know. So she just stroked his hair as he was lying there quietly. Soon the movie was over, and he drove her back home. "We should do this again sometime soon", she said. "See you soon", he replied.

Two days had gone by and she hasn’t heard from him, until her phone rang again: "i want to see you, let's watch another movie", he wrote. A few hours later, there she was, knocking on his door. Another shy hello and two bright smiles, as he lead the way into the room. She put her bags on the floor, took off her jacket and sat on the bed as he chose the movie. “Which one do you want to watch ?”, he asked as he kept rolling the list on the TV screen: “I’m curious about this one, Stakeland”. She told him that one sounded good, and he pressed the play button. Five minutes and a few ironic laughs later, they changed the movie. She kept the same position, sitting quietly in the bed, as she looked at him. Measuring everything: his hair, soft, really dark and always messy. His pale skin, his beautiful eyes. That bright smile. She wanted to remember every single detail about him, about those moments. A few minutes later, he was laying his head on her lap again, her hand stroking his hair. None of them was paying any attention to the movie. The TV was still on as they played like two small kids, trying to distinguish right from left. Tickling each other, laughing. Soon, time froze as they kissed, and she felt more alive than ever. No questions, no doubts. Just that moment and nothing else was on her mind. Soon enough, there was a bed and a bunch of clothes on the floor. She took a deep breath as she laid on his bed, her mind working at the speed of light. I’m sorry, he said, but I have to go in a while. She replied: “oh. That’s the code for me to leave”. She got dressed, and kissed him again. Walking through the door she hoped to see him sometime soon. Silly, naïve little girl.

One week later, she still haven’t heard from him. “Maybe he will text me soon”, she thought. Silly girl. Little did she knew, but soon she found out he had someone else, someone new in his life. That other girl was the reason she haven’t heard from him in months. Until that night when she saw him in a bar, hanging out with his girl and a friend. She grabbed some liquid courage, drank it and texted him. Nice glasses, she wrote. Message sent. In a while, he asked her where she was, and why she didn’t say anything to him. She thought it would be weird, having a major crush on him and having to see him with another girl. Of course he didn’t need to know such a thing, so she said she was sorry. Since that day, she had been a mess. Broken and bruised, falling apart.

Maybe because he had a girlfriend, she never expected that message. She was asleep, when her phone rang. “Are you awake ? I need to see you”, he said. “Now ?”, she asked. “If you want, i can stop by your place”, he insisted. She said she was almost asleep, so he went back home. The next day, she received another text. "I need you now, please hurry", it said. It was from him. “How much time do we have?”, she asked. “Doesn’t matter, I’ll wait for you”, he replied. And so, without even thinking twice about it, she left the house. Without any questions, without looking back. She simply went out and started walking. She knew every step by heart, so she was at his door in no time. She knocked and he let her in. He looked like he had just woke up, but to her he was as beautiful as always. Shyly she took off her jacket and sat on the bed. He was lying there, watching Californication, waiting for her to come closer. He asked what was wrong, and she told him shyly that she needed a little push. She was feeling nervous. And when she wasn’t expecting it, he got up and kissed her. She lost herself in his arms, in that moment. She knew she was “the other one”. She knew she was being used. She knew it wasn’t right. But also, she knew it felt good. His touch, how she missed him – everything felt right (at least for her). Soon, there were only them, a messy bed and a pile of clothes on the floor. No questions asked. Nothing to think about. Until his phone rang, and reality sat in. And as she was falling to reality, everything felt wrong again. He was like a block of ice again, she was getting ready to leave. Although she hoped to live the dream for a little while longer, reality came faster than she thought. Damn, he said, “I have to go soon”. She knew that was the code, and she was ready to leave.

As soon as she walked through that door, reality kicked in faster than ever. This was their dirty little secret. She was his dirty little secret. No one could know about those moments. Still, even though she is “the other one”, even though she was used, she felt happy. Happy because for an hour, she lived her dream. He was, and will ever be THE dream. Her dream.